Bar: II

I finished taking the New York and New Jersey Bar Exams!!! Yippeee!!! I am SO happy to be finished with it. Of course I don't know if I passed. I didn't study the New Jersey material last night like I was supposed to because I was too busy getting into a fight with my boyfriend. Which was really great because I ran into a few acquaintances from law school who took one look at my cried-out puffy eyes and assumed that I had been bawling over the exam. An assumption I decided to humor since it would be less humiliating than admitting the truth. Also, my brain was slowly starting to ooze out of my eyeballs by the afternoon session. Thankfully the Evidence exam was in the afternoon and that is probably my best subject, but unthankfully so was Contracts and that is my absolute worst subject. But no point in worrying about it since I won't find out how I did until mid-November anyway! So now I have new things to focus on - trashy tabloid magazines, USA Network television, and movies. Lots and lots of movies. Yaaaaay!!!

. . .

Some fancy hotel was right next to the Meadowlands Expo Center where I took the exam and I ran in there before the exam started to get some coffee. Can you believe some hoity-toity lady asked me if I was a hotel guest and when I told her I wasn't, I was informed that I would have to pay TEN DOLLARS for my coffee? I asked, "Ten dollars for this?" and held up the cup. She said, "No, for this" and waved her arm all around the hotel dining area. I said, "I don't want this I just want this," and gesticulated wildly. She said, "Still ten dollars." I put down the ten dollar coffee and left. I am still so pissed about it.

Bar

I finished the New York Bar Exam and the Multistate Bar Exam. Tomorrow I take the New Jersey Bar Exam.

It's freezing in the Pepsi Arena. Kids, if you ever head out there, wear thick socks and bring a warm wooly jumper.

I didn't finish 22 out of 50 questions on the New York Multiple Choice section. *sob* I'm not sure what happened - I thought I was doing pretty well on time but when I finished writing my third essay I realized I had only left 25 minutes or so left for the multiple choice section. It was that third essay that killed me - somehow I wasted an hour on it instead of the recommended 45 minutes. Hopefully it's not too bad - the New York Multiple Choice is only worth 10%.

Oh GAWD, who am I kidding. I probably failed.

When I came out of the bar exam I got into the car and looked into the mirror and saw that I had all this black dirt smudged all over my face. I'm not sure when it got there but I hope I didn't have dirt all over my face all day. Anyway, I think it's a bad omen.

I have to go bang my head against something hard now. Goodbye.

Way to Go

National Geographic has a really depressing chart in their August 2006 issue, which is also depressingly covered, "No End in Sight - KILLER HURRICANES." The chart shows what activities have the greatest chance of killing someone. The big ones are obviously heart disease (1 in 5), cancer (1 in 7), and stroke (1 in 24). Next up? Motor vehicle accident. 1 in 84 Americans will die in a car accident. The next one I found really disturbing - suicide. 1 in 119 Americans will commit suicide. It seems strange that the odds of suicide is so high. Apparently more Americans will kill themselves than they will be killed, say, by a gun assault (1 in 314) or in a pedestrian accident (1 in 626). Very sad.

Of course, then I saw this little gem of a statistic: Odds of dying, any cause. 1 in 1 (100%). Well. I know I'm going to die eventually, but do I really have to have it pointed out to me like that while I am trying to eat toast? Sheesh! It kind of made me think about suicide myself. I mean, if I'm going to die anyway, I might as well die before I have to take the stupid bar exam. Thanks, National Geographic.

Look

My Microsoft Paint program is in Korean for some reason. Strange, no?

Hardcore Procrastination

I made a new playlist to listen to when I get ready for bed. I named the playlist "Sleepytime." It's like a nightcap for my ears.

The bad thing about ITunes is that it doesn't let you arrange the order of songs. Or maybe it does, but I just don't know how.

The Whole of the Law - The Only Ones
Pink Moon - Nick Drake
Babylon - David Gray
Bad Timing - Blue Rodeo
Lover, You Should've Come Over - Jeff Buckley
Oh Well - Fiona Apple
I'll Back You Up - Dave Matthews Band
I've Got To See You Again - Norah Jones
Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Falling - The Wedding Present
Make Me Whole - Amel Larrieux
Such Great Heights - Iron & Wine
Make Someone Happy - Jimmy Durante
Next To You - Bebel Gilberto
May This Be Love - The Jimi Hendrix Experience
Car Wash Hair - Mercury Rev

Dissent

Okay, I lied. I'm posting and therefore not on hiatus. But the posting will be related to my studying for the bar, so hopefully I will not feel too anxious about the time I spend blogging (and therefore not studying).

I was just studying constitutional law. One of the fundamental rights afforded to Americans under the First Amendment is the freedom of association. One little tenet that I am currently trying to fit into my brain is: Laws that prohibit a group from discriminating are constitutional unless they interfere with intimate association or expressive activity (like the KKK - seems strange that discrimination can be considered an "expressive activity" but I will ignore this for now).

I am going to assume that the rationale for this "intimate association" exception to discrimination arises from the fundamental right to privacy. And I completely agree that if some little old white lady only wants to invite little old white people over her house for tea, she is perfectly within her rights to do that. She is operating within a wholly private and intimate context, and she may discriminate within that sphere. It's not the coolest thing to do, but that doesn't make it illegal. However, did you know that this "intimate association" exception to laws against discrimination also operates to make it unconstitutional to force the Boy Scouts to include gays? I find this completely and utterly ridiculous. The Boy Scouts is a national organization with five million Scout members. With those numbers, it's not a personal or private sphere. And anybody is supposed to be welcome. How is that an "intimate association"?

I know that under the current state of the law other rationales could have supported the argument that the Boy Scouts' discrimination against gays does not violate the Constitution or a gay person's fundamental rights (like, the Boy Scouts are a private organization and there is no state action involved so constitutional standards wouldn't apply to them, and anyway there is barely a constitutional standard regarding discrimination against sexual orientation anyway; sexual orientation is not even considered "suspect classification" and even a federal or state law that actually discriminated facially on the basis of sexual orientation (laws banning gay marriage, hello) would only give rise to really weak rational basis review). So there is no point in ranting about this one particular rationale. But it's just so stupid. It pisses me off.

Okay, back to the books.

Hiatus

Until after the bar exam (July 25-27). If you don't hear from me after that time, it means I committed hari-kari.

Growl

Canadians! You know who you are. Pish!

in.....News.Bulletin.....News.Bulletin.....Ne

Item 1. I received my first proposal today. A dowry was offered: payment of law school loans, a condo, a job as an interior decorator, and a dog. Not a bad deal, but I had to turn it down.

Item 2. I met Neil. Erik's deportee friend. Poor fellow. He had been living it up in South Beach for the past six years, running his own business, living in a fabulous condo, partying all night, meeting beautiful women. Unfortunately, he was doing it all without his papers. When Neil came back to Canada to serve as best man at his friend's wedding, he got caught by the INS and now he can't go back to South Beach until he untangles his legal mess. He's the one who proposed to me. He's convinced that marrying an American is the fastest way back into the States. After gently declining his offer, I tried to tell him marrying an American has its complications too... he'd be married. What's the point of being in South Beach if you're married?

Item 3. I have made a resolution. The resolution is that I WILL OWN THE NEW YORK BAR EXAM. It will be done. Originally my resolution sounded more colorful and I had a cuss word in there. Resolutions sound so much more... resolute.. when they have a cuss word thrown in. But then I thought it might be unseemly and somehow somone from the New York Board of Bar Examiners would stumble across it and decide I was unfit to be an attorney because I wrote, "I will make the New York Bar Exam my bitch!" and I would have to go hide my head in shame somewhere.

Item 4. I have decided to leave Canada on Monday. Looketh out America, the prodigal child returneth.

Item 5. The New York Court of Appeals rejected gay marriage two days ago, saying that denying gay couples the right to marry did not violate the New York State Constitution. The New York Times reported: "The majority decision, written by Judge Robert S. Smith, found that limiting marriage to couples of the opposite sexes was based on legitimate societal goals, primarily the protection and welfare of children. It could well be argued, he said, that children are better off raised by a biological mother and father, rather than by a gay or lesbian couple.'Plaintiffs have not persuaded us that this long-accepted restriction is a wholly irrational one, based solely on ignorance and prejudice against homosexuals," Judge Smith wrote in his 17-page opinion.'"

Sigh. "[L]imiting marriage to couples of the opposite sexes was based on legitimate societal goals, primarily the protection and welfare of children." A nice-sounding piece of rhetoric that is TOTAL BULLSHIT in this context. I mean, let's be honest. Haven't we moved past the age of "the purpose of marriage is to have children"? What if a gay couple didn't want to have children? What if a gay couple promised not to have children? Then what happens to the rationale behind banning gay marriage? And the rationale is stupid anyway. "It could well be argued that children are better off raised by a biological mother and father"? Really. I would like to see some kind of proof on that. Is there a documented, peer-reviewed, tested, and replicated study somewhere that shows children raised by a biological mother and father are "better off" than children raised by, say, two non-biological parents, you know, like adopted children, or children raised with only one biological parent and one step-parent, or children raised by their two aunts? And what does "better off" mean, anyway? Does it mean they are richer? Better dressed? Better looking? Better at sports? Less likely to turn to a life of crime? Less likely to be a schoolyard bully? Less likely to get made fun off? More likely to get a high-paying job when they grow up? Like, WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU MEAN COURT OF APPEALS OF NEW YORK?

Well, to be fair I didn't read the whole opinion and maybe the Court of Appeals explained everything. But whatever. Stupid stupid stupid.

Item 6. Oh dammit. Look, my life is boring right now. What do you want from me? All I do all day is worry about all the studying I'm not doing. Although that's going to stop as of tomorrow. (See Item 3.)

Bar Anxiety

Criminal Law Factoids I Keep Forgetting!!!

SELF-DEFENSE

Retreat is only required by NEW YORK and a minority of jurisdictions. The MAJORITY/MBE RULE is that RETREAT IS NOT REQUIRED WHEN ATTACKED WITH DEADLY FORCE!

INSANITY TESTS

Irresistable Impulse: Because of mental illness, defendant was unable to control his actions or conform his conduct to the law.

Durham: The crime was a product of mental disease or defect. But for the mental illness, he would not have committed the crime.

M'Naghten: The mental disease of defect caused the defendant to not know that his act would be wrong or not understand the nature and quality of his action.

MPC: The mental disease of defect resulted in a lack of substantial capacity to either 1) appreciate the criminality of his conduct (a la M'Naghten) or 2) conform his conduct to the requirements of law. (a la Irresistable Impulse).

CONSTITUTIONAL REQUIREMENTS BINDING ON STATES

The Fourth, Fifth, Sixth, Eight Amendment rights are binding on the states through the Fourteeth Amendment.

GODDAMMIT I AM GOING TO FAIL THE BAR EXAM.

Domestic Corn

Julie and my brother are SO corny. As I type, they are engaging in one of their favorite activities: music night. On music night, they put some sappy Blue Rodeo song on the stereo and upload the guitar tabs and lyrics to the TV screen. Julie then plays the guitar along to Blue Rodeo on the stereo, while my brother plugs in the mike and belts out the lyrics. The whole time, their eyes are glued to the TV screen since that is where the guitar tabs and lyrics are.

They also dress to match each other every single time they go to church. As in, if Julie wears a brown dress with cream piping, my brother will wear a cream suit with a dark brown dress shirt and a cream tie. Or if my brother wears a lime green tie, Julie puts on a lime green skirt. On purpose. They've admitted it to me.

There are more examples of their corniness, but its not that cool to talk about and plus they are my family and I love them and I feel like I'm making fun of them so I will stop.

* * *

Canadians are really bad drivers.

Also, Canadian local roads are called "Collectors." As in, instead of having an express spur and a local spur of a highway, they will have an express spur and a collectors spur. Very strange.

One awesome thing on the Canadian roads. Today as I drove down the Don Valley Parkway I saw a highway sign that said, "RED LIGHT. IT WON'T KILL YOU TO STOP." It really impressed me for some reason.

Jesusman

I went to watch Superman Returns last night at the local cinema. I am a sucker for superhero movies, although as superheroes go, Superman is definitely the least interesting in every single way. He's an alien who possesses every single superpower conceivable. He can do anything - he can erase a woman's memory with a kiss, he can fly at immeasurable speeds. He's completely impervious. For Pete's sake, in this movie he stopped a bullet with his eyeball. As in, the bullet hit his eyeball and just bounced off. And he didn't even flinch! Nothing can ever get to him (except for kryptonite, of course - which is even more boring because you know that nothing bad can happen until Lex whips out a green crystal). Although, in Superman Returns, *SPOILER ALERT* somehow Superman managed to launch an entire continent of kryptonite, which he couldn't even land on without losing all his powers, into outer space.

I really liked Superman as a kid. But I found Superman to be really... annoyingly... smug... in this movie. He's so convinced of his own greatness and goodness. His only problem is Lois Lane can't see that Clark Kent is really him. I mean, why any man, much less Superman, would want to be with a woman who doesn't recognize him just because he put on glasses and changed his clothes is beyond me anyway. So this Superman got on my nerves a bit, to tell the truth. I much prefer Batman. He's just so much more bad-ass.

* * *

The real reason I’m writing about Superman is because of the really obvious Jesus parallel in this movie. Which got me thinking about Jesus in general. Having been raised in a really fundamental Christian religion, I often find myself struggling with my current agnosticism/atheism. I want to believe in God and Jesus and everything, because in a certain way, I think I was a much better person when I was going to church. I was a much happier and less cynical person and I volunteered a lot more than I do now, which is… not at all in a really long time. (Last year I read an article in Time or New York or something that said people who say that they are generally really happy are the people who also say they believe in God and are active at church. The article posited that it might be a function of being part of a strong community in a world that has become much more individualistic and not necessarily because those persons feel like they have the answers to those big questions, you know, like “Why are we here?” “What is the point of life?” etc etc., but, uh, yeah.)

Anyway. If there is a God, and God knows everything, then God should know how jaded and skeptical humankind would become. He would know how cynical the world would be. He would know how disenchanted people would become with religion and the idea of an omniscient, omnipotent God who sat around while the world that he supposedly loved so much he gave his Son for went all to shit. (All to shit: endless conflict in the Middle East, AIDS in Africa, child soldiers, starving people, homeless people, suicide bombers, drug trafficking, child trafficking, sex-worker trafficking, catastrophic hurricanes and tsunamis, polar bears drowning because of melting polar ice, increasing size and number of dead zones in our oceans, etc.)

Right, so God gave his Son to the world because he knew the world would go to shit and people would need a savior. And all you have to do to be saved is have faith in Jesus, right? And since God is love and he loves us he would want as many of us as possible to become saved, right?

So then, the real question is, if to be saved you have to have faith in Jesus, then why did God make it so hard for us to believe in Jesus? Why does Jesus have to be such an invisible savior, if he really is our savior? Why can’t he be more like Superman, swooping around in a really loud outfit that is embarassingly tight in the nether region, taking an obvious and active interest in human affairs, preventing disasters, and saving children and women everywhere? Then it would be impossible for anyone not to believe in Jesus, and everyone would be saved, which is what God wants, right? So… why?

And please don’t tell me that I’m committing a sin by questioning God. I mean, if you believe that, then you probably believe God created me just the way I am, which means he made me so that I would question him… if questioning God is a commission of a sin, he shouldn’t have created the ability to question him in me! Unless he just wants to psyche me out and make it hard to not commit sins against him, which means he’s not all that loving, after all…

Ahem. I feel slightly blasphemous. Hopefully I won’t die in my sleep tonight.

* * *

Another movie I watched this week: The Proposition. If you want to watch a really awesome movie, check it out at your local cinema!

* * *

Julie is being so mean. She has decided to get rid of Miso. And instead of giving Miso to me, who already loves her and is loved by her, she wants to sell Miso to some stranger. I told her I would buy Miso if money was the issue but she won’t even sell her to me! She keeps insisting that I don’t know what it’s like to have a dog and I will be too busy to take care of Miso once I start working. Which I really resent because HELLO, I HAD a dog for fourteen years! I grew up with a dog! I know MUCH more about taking care of a dog than she does, which admittedly doesn’t mean much. She and my brother didn’t even realize that Miso was in heat. And, I would take EXCELLENT care of Miso. I have been wanting a dog for the past two years, ever since I got over the passing of Sandy, my old dog, but I’ve been waiting until I graduated law school because I knew I wouldn’t be able to take care of a dog while in law school. And now I’ve graduated, and I love Miso, and Julie wants to get rid of her because she’s just had surgery and she’s peeing over her carpets, but she won’t give her to me because she knows what’s best for me and that I won’t want the responsibility of a dog. UGH. I am so pissed.

* * *

OH MY GOD. I love my mom, I really do. But nobody can drive me as crazy as her. She became a fundamental Christian at the age of 28. She's constantly telling me how she used to be just like me, that she used to be into politics and social affairs and liked to study (and HELLO, I DON'T like to study, I just have to study for the stupid bar exam) and thought her friends were so important, just like me, but when she turned 28 she realized how empty and insipid everything was and found Jesus. So she's positive that I will undergo a similar metamorphosis when I turn 28 and she's always SIGHING IN MY FUCKING EAR about it. It's SO frustrating. And it really sucks to feel like my mom is just waiting, waiting, waiting, and hoping, hoping, hoping, for me to change. I feel horrible yelling at her but sometimes it's just impossible. She is the only person who can make me feel seethingly angry, then suicidally sorry for her, and also majorly guilty, all in the span of five minutes.